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How were your holidays? Did you have a decent a) Christmas, b) Kwanzaa, c) Hanukkah, d) day off of work? Hope so.
Mine was pretty god-damned great.
Until today. Today sucked like ten-dollar whore operating a Hoover in a black hole during a My Two Dads marathon.
Which is quite a bit, in the grand scheme of things.
I was going to write out a long and carefully thought out memoir chronicling the day’s potentially tragic and somber events — To sum up: I thought I lost my grandfather, but it turns out he was merely misplaced. — but this day has worn me out completely. I expelled all of my tears and heartache over the course of the day and I don’t think I could relive it just yet.
Although, when I can — shit! — do I have story to tell… er, write.
Instead, I want to focus my energies tonight on joy and happiness, something to lift the spirits on an otherwise gloomy day.
That said, here is a picture of my puppy — Chloe Godzilla Cvetkovic — in a Santa hat:
Um… I’ll just stick with the earrings and the Snuggie™ she asked for…
From next year’s Kick-Ass
What? No, you can’t have my heart! It’s in my chest! It pumps my blood throughout my body! I need that shit to live!
How would you like it if I started asking for your internal organs?
*Waving my hands wildly while talking in a mocking tone* “Ooh! Look at me! I collect people’s body parts! Can I have your pancreas?”
* * * * *
What do you mean “I could’ve just ‘gotten laid’?”
Dude, I’m not even tired yet. Why would I want to lay down?