Hey kids,

So today is my kind of, sort of not really birthday.

No, I wasn’t originally born on January 16 but, one year ago today, I was kind of born again, although, not in that creepy Christian way! (I’ll spare you the gory details.)

All I’ll say is: Where the fuck are my goddamned presents?!?!

Your friend (and part-time lover),
Boom Boom Storm Cloud