Within the past few years, our country has been ravaged by war: 9/11 was a national tragedy; followed by the unending military action in Iraq; and last year we were subjected to the ever dire Dragon Wars.

But, perhaps now, we must bear witness to the most horrific and life-threatening conflict yet.

The Dance War.

At first, it seemed as if the dance war would be contained to just Bruno Tonioli and Carrie Ann Inaba. The rivalry between the two began almost a year ago, with an unexpected animosity steadily growing, ultimately cultivating into the recent declaration of war on January 7th, 2008.

“I only know Bruno from sitting two chairs away from,” Carrie Ann stated. “But I’m sure we’ll butt heads. They want us to butt heads.”

But now it seems that both sides have so far recruited over a combined dozen troops to battle. At the time of this reporting, there has not been any loss of life on either side, but there is no telling how many casualties there may be in the near future.

“These are fresh young kids … We’re really asking a lot of [them] … It’s a bit nerve-racking, because what I do… will determine how my team does. I don’t like the feeling of taking somebody’s opportunity away. But you have to decide on their potential. That’s where you stick your neck out,” Carrie Ann explained.

“We set them up,” Bruno confessed bluntly.

Dance war correspondent, Drew Lachey, reports that, while tensions are high between the two opponents, he is optimistic that a resolution will be reached within about six weeks, although he is less optimistic that it will be due to a peaceful settlement.

“We were thrust into this awkward position. Nothing that I had done before had prepared me,” he said.

Both Bruno and Carrie Ann are optimistic that their side will win the dance war, no matter what the consequences of their barbaric actions are.

“We always say what happens… isn’t personal [but] if they don’t like my team, then I’ll have to cut somebody,” Carrie Ann said. “I’m excited — but I’m not going to lie — it scares me.”

“If she gets in my way, she’s gonna get it. I think the madness will return … I am very physical. So I might have to be restrained,” Bruno countered. “You know what I’m like; I don’t mince my words.”

This reporter wants to assure you that, while I don’t support the dance war, I do support our dancers and hope that they return home safely.

Your friend (and part-time lover),
Boom Boom Storm Cloud

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