As far back as I can remember, I’ve always wanted to be a doctor.

Not because I wanted to help people; fuck that. No, I wanted to be a doctor for the glory, man. I’m in it for the glory.

I wanted to be able to use words like “stethoscope” and “enfeebled” and “amyotrophic lateral sclerosis”.

I want to throw around cool phrases like, “Yes, I’m a doctor and I have cancer. But I don’t care whether I live or die. I care whether you live or die”, you know, like they say on all those cool medical dramas on TV.

But, apparently, to be a doctor, they want you to go to med school, and, you know, be smart, and not faint at the first sight of blood.

And, well, you know, fuck that.