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I loved living inside of you. Let’s still be friends.
Next stop: Cleveland.
…I moved into my first apartment that was just my own. No roommates; no one to fuck up my shit, but also no one to fall back on. Just me.
That same week, I decided I needed a new pair of shoes and, thanks to a “Buy One, Get One Half Of” sale, I actually bought two pairs for pretty cheap.
Not that I needed two pairs of shoes, mind you. I, at just about any given time, own maybe three pairs of shoes. Total. One pair of fancy goin’ out shoes, a pair of my every day sneaks, and a pair of old, beaten up shoes — that used to be my pair of every day sneaks — that I wear if I know I’ll be trudging through dirt or mud and whatnot. I wear shoes until they wear out.
So, yeah, I didn’t really need two new pairs of shoes. BUT they were cheap, so I bought them. I have worn the first pair, and then other pair has sat — in their original box — on my closet floor, for the last three years.
Jump to three years later. Today, actually.
Over the past few weeks, I’ve taken several trips from Columbus, OH up to Cleveland, carrying a dozen boxes or so of personal belongings into my new house. Saturday, my good friend Troy Stith helped me load up a U-Haul truck and move all of my furniture. I spent most of today cleaning up the apartment so I could turn over my keys to the landlord tomorrow. And, this evening, I met up with some friends once last time and went bowling.
As I turned in my rental shoes and started to put my sneaks back on, I noticed that — after three years, almost to the day — I had finally worn out the pair of shoes I bought when I first moved into my apartment; a giant slit running the length of the shoe, just above the sole.
Since I’m giving up my first apartment all my own along with the shoes I bought with I first moved into it, it seems kind of fitting that — when I leave Columbus to restart my life in Cleveland — I’ll be wearing the other new pair of shoes I bought. Three years ago.
A whole blog post about shoes and not one tongue joke. Seems kinda wasteful.
Here’s hoping you and yours have a happy, food and drink (and sleep)-filled holiday.
…I fear that I’m becoming more and more like George Costanza.
Earlier today, I came across a random Seinfeld quote online — something George said — and I really related to it. Which is quite sad. I did a quick search for more George Costanza quotes and was blown away by how many of them could apply to my life, whether it be because of context or just his speech patterns. Which is even sadder. So, without further ado, the last few shreds of my dignity:
“Hi, my name is George, I’m unemployed and I live with my parents.”
“Divorce is always hard. Especially on the kids. ‘Course I am the result of my parents having stayed together so ya never know.”
“George is getting upset!”
“I’m speechless. I have no speech.”
“I have a bad feeling that whenever a lesbian looks at me they think ‘That’s why I’m not a heterosexual.’”
“I’ve driven women to lesbianism before but never to a mental institution.”
“When she threw that toupee out the window, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. I feel like my old self again. Neurotic, paranoid, totally inadequate, completely insecure. It’s a pleasure.”
“My father was a quitter, my grandfather was a quitter, I was raised to give up. It’s one of the few things I do well.”
“Believe it or not, George isn’t at home. Please leave a message at the beep. I must be out or I’d pick up the phone. Where could I be? Believe it or not, I’m not home.”
“You’ve been living a lie? I’ve been living… like twenty.”
“You’re killing independent George!”
“So I tell her, ‘I think I should leave now’. And she looks at me surprised as if she couldn’t understand what had just happened and why I was leaving… The only excuse that I could fathom would be acceptable is to tell her that I am indeed Batman, and I’m sorry I just saw that Bat signal out the window.”
“In high school it was always ‘Bonjour, le George’, ‘How’s it going le George?’, ‘Hey, let’s stuff le George in le locker’.”
“Only I could fail at failing.”
“So please, a little respect. For I am Costanza, Lord of the Idiots.”
“I’m disturbed, I’m depressed, I’m inadequate, I’ve got it all!”
“For fifty bucks I’d put my face in their soup and blow.”
“There is no bigger loser than me!”
“I’m 33 years old; I haven’t outgrown the problems of puberty, I’m already facing the problems of old age. I completely skipped healthy adulthood.”
“It became very clear to me sitting out there today that every decision I’ve made in my entire life has been wrong. My life is the complete opposite of everything I want it to be. Every instinct I have, in every aspect of life, be it something to wear, something to eat – it’s all been wrong.”
“What you call wasting, I call living. I’m living my life.”
“Do you ever get down on your knees and thank God you know me and have access to my dementia?”
Frank is getting upset!
…I posted the farewell email I sent out to my coworkers at the Columbus Metropolitan Library. Since then, I have gotten TONS of replies.
And so now I give you The Top Three Best Replies:
3. From my friend Cindi: Maybe no one else will but I’ll miss you!!!
2. From my friend Jamil: And THAT’s the way you walk off a stage, Ladies & Germs. Bravo Frankie!
And the Number One Best Reply comes from my friend, Keith — Ah, Keith. The stories I could tell about THAT guy! — who wrote:
As I write this, I am literally one hour away from unemployment.
…I wrote my farewell email to my friends and colleagues at the Columbus Metropolitan Library and then sent it off when I got to work this morning.
For being something that was written in the middle of a looong sleepless night, I was actually kinda proud to use it as my CML swan song. It went a little something like this:
Though the past nine years here have been some of the greatest of my life, I’m sad to say that this saturday, November 13th with be my last day at CML.
My story thus far has been filled with more great characters and interesting plot twists than I ever expected, but — sadly — this chapter of my life is finished and it’s time to go write the next one.
It has been an honor and a pleasure for you to have worked with me, I’m sure — Wink! — and I will miss each and every one of you. Yes, even Ted.
Stay strong, CML. I expect nothing but greatness of you.
Yeah, it was kinda pimp like that. Man, I should be a writer or something…
So this past weekend’s Mid-Ohio Con was pretty fun!
I met a lot of cool folks, saw some old friends, networked with a few really talented artists and – hopefully - might get to work with a couple of them sometime in the future on some really cool projects.
Sales weren’t quite what I had hoped for, but the people who did buy my books had nothing but nice things to say about them. I even had one guy who told me that he had bought my book at a shop in Cleveland and was excited when he saw my name in the Creator’s Common list.
I’ve already learned from my mistakes and shortcomings, as this con season comes to a close, and am already planning and making necessary changes for next season. You guys just wait! I’ve got some good stuff in store for ya! Next year is going to be HUGE!
Thanks to everyone who came out, bought a book, or just stopped by the table to say hi! And I hope to see you all next year!
So I know you’re thinking to yourself “Self, I really do wish I could purchase a copy of Punch-Up and/or Skottie Rocket, Gay Space Pirate. But where could I find such literary treasures?” Or maybe you’re thinking “Man, I should hang out with Frank for a bit before he moves a hundred and fifty miles away.” Or maybe even “Jesus, I would kill for a burrito right about now.*”
If you’ve recently though one, two, or even all three of those things, you’re in luck! Because I will actually be at the Mid-Ohio Con this very weekend!
If you don’t have a copy already, I’ll be selling copies of Punch-Up (for 4.00) and Skottie Rocket, Gay Space Pirate (for $3.00)! While you’re there, take a look at the Han Solo stipples I did and, if you’re interested, I’ll also be taking stipple commissions! I’ll also be talking about the upcoming Punch-Up webcomic AND mention that you read about my con appearance on the blog and I’ll give you a FREE FIST BUMP!
So come on down to the Mid-Ohio Con this weekend — Greater Columbus Convention Center, Hall E, 400 North High Street, Columbus, OH 43215 — and say hi! I’ll be located at table CC46 in the Creators’ Common! I’ll be the guy who looks like this:
Hope to see you there!
*I actually cannot help you out with this. I suggest you just go get a burrito.